i just don’t know

i don’t even want to use capital letters today. i just want to write endless words and get all of the feelings out. covid sucks. we have it - have had it for over 12 days. thee farmer and i have spent more time together these past 2 weeks than we have in the past 2 years. or at least it feels like it. for sure.

we received the iv monoclonal antibody infusions and i believe that was “saving grace’ so to speak. john still has a terrible cough. i look like a hag. feel like i got hit by a bus. 7 times.

and then this morning, for my daily bible reading, job. a man who had everything and right-standing with God, living his life and minding his own business. here comes satan, the accuser, from his prowling over the earth. and he and God decide to place a little wager. “let me afflict job and take away everything he has and he will surely curse you,’ satan says to God. and God says, “sure. just don’t hurt him.”

job loses home and farm and livestock and sons and daughters. he becomes covered in boils. mrs. job begs him to curse God. friends of job give endless speeches on “confess and God will restore you.” and job says,”if there were something to confess i would. i want to talk to God. i want to know why he is doing this to me.”

And then, God speaks. It’s like a rush of heavenly glory. God pours out all that He has created in a majestic interlude. Who is Job to question Him on His Sovereign power? Isn’t He the one who set the stars in the sky and holds back the deep?

In our afflictions, and even in the middle of Covid-19, we can praise Him. The Maker of the Stars. For He is with us. He upholds us. He is real. He is the God who sees.