Prone to Wander
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here’s my heart, Lord
Take and seal it…
I’m a mess. It’s been a long, hard year. Exhausting. Can we get real here? This year has been nothing but a battle for me. The past two years, actually. I’ve wandered. I’ve done things I am ashamed of. I gave my heart away. My body has responded by literally falling apart. Everything hurts. Even my fingernails.
I’ve been to every specialist. Had a seven-day vacation at the hospital in April. The U of I Hospitals and Clinics is trying to find out what could possibly be causing all of my symptoms. My lymph nodes are going crazy. Add tinnitus in both ears on top of that and I am weary…
and yet a whisper: “stay with God”
Prone to wander, prone to leave the God I love…
Yet He leaves the 99 and comes to find me!
In Psalm 27:13-14 MSG David declares:
I’m sure now I’ll see God’s goodness in the exuberant Earth. Stay with God! Take heart. Don’t quit. I’ll say it again, “STAY WITH GOD!”
and so I pray: God, I’m choosing to stay with you. I am not alone in this. I WILL NOT QUIT. I am sure I will see the goodness in this! I have your love. You leave the 99 for me. I’M STAYING!
There are things I know from His Word. And I know I can stand on these truths, and you can, too!
He is my Rock. My Shepherd. He lifts me out of the pit and sets my feet on solid ground. I am forgiven. I am free. In spite of the pain, I can dance in His arms. He has given me a new name: I am no longer a mess - I am Hephzibah - and His delight is in me!
When God looks at me, He no longer sees my sin, but His daughter, whom He loves. Oh, I am so glad that He loves me. Because in this world, love is what I have wanted and sought after more than any other thing. And in my wanderings, I have failed again and again in seeking what I think is love, only to be rejected, over and over. Yet, His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me!
“Stay with me,” He whispers.
And I shall.
He left the 99 to come after you! You’re His “one.”
I hope you will choose to stay as well,
Carolyn
