Ringing

Dec 12

Bells will be ringing…

Silver bells…

I heard the bells on Christmas Day…

I hear ringing all around me…because I have tinnitus. And if you don’t know what that is, it’s a good thing, because you don’t want to know.

For over four months I have had constant noise in both ears that goes straight through my head. Constant. I visited my audiologist and had another hearing exam. I talked to my doctors about possible medication side effects. I’ve had friends pray over me. I’ve googled and searched and tried not to stress (stress can be a factor that keeps tinnitus around, but who wouldn’t be stressed when they hear the same noise all.dang.day.)

I don’t know why. And sometimes, I can imagine it’s gone. White noise helps. Hearing aids a little.

It’s when I pray that the noise becomes the loudest. It’s as if in my praying that the one thing I want to do away with roars the loudest. Calling my attention to it and making me realize that only The Healer can make it all go away. And yet, He doesn’t. Not yet. He tells me, “Be still.”

For most of my life I’ve been told to be quiet, shut up, sit still…you see, I’m rather loud in case you didn’t know that…and maybe in the silence of my mind, this ringing is a reminder to just listen.