I’ve lost my muchness
“The [appointed period of] time has been fulfilled, and the Kingdom of God is at hand; repent [change your inner self - your old way of thinking, regret past sins, live your life in a way that proves repentance; seek God’s purpose for your life]and believe [with a deep, abiding trust] in the good news [regarding salvation].” Mark 1:15b AMP
Maybe today, like me, you are desiring one moment of peace, one chance, one do-over, just grabbing for that thing - that you know is there- right beyond your reach. Maybe, like me, your soul is screaming for the world to stop so you can get off this never-ending twirling, spinning, out-of-control madness that is supposed to be life.
stop.
salvation. trust. opportunity. purpose.
I’m supposed to be getting ready to go to town and open my shop. But it’s Saturday, and the day before my birthday, and I just don’t want to. I don’t want to serve other people today. I want things to be done for me, and not just because it is my birthday weekend, but because I am tired, worn out, stretched too thin, and my mind is spinning out of control.
I have had ringing in my ears (tinnitus) for over a month now. Both ears. A constant high-pitched squealing that.never.ever.stops. I pray for it to go away. I try to focus on other noises. I have asked friends to pray. It just doesn’t stop. And it’s maddening. I feel like Johnny Depp’s Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland.
I’ve lost my muchness.
Repentance means bringing your world to a halt and examining the madness. Why have I been living this way? Why am I feeling like this? Where have I strayed from God’s plan for me? What happened to my muchness?
Examining my soul proves to be difficult these days. I don’t want to look in the mirror. I don’t want to examine my thoughts. I don’t even want to think about what might happen if I held my thoughts and deeds up to the Light of the Word of God - but I must if I want my muchness back.
Satan wants to keep me trapped in the madness. I am no good to the Kingdom if I am not myself. If I don’t go to my shop today, for instance, who might I miss that might need just a glimpse of Jesus?
I’ve got to review what I believe:
Jesus died so that we can have freedom from sin: the things we do and the thoughts that we think that keeps us trapped.
Jesus, the Son of God, humbled Himself, came to this fallen world and gave His all for us - you and me! - and He desires to be in a relationship with us!
Jesus gives us the opportunity to repent - to get things right, and correct our way of thinking - so that we can live with purpose - the plans and desires He has for us - our muchness.
We are not just mere puppets, walking the Earth and waiting to die. We are made in God’s image and it’s up to us to find out our reason for living - our raison d’etre - to choose to walk away from our past and embrace the hope of our future.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:11-13 ESV)
You see, when we lose our muchness, we lose our hope and we forget the plan. We forget who were made to be and whose we are. When we seek God with all of our heart - a heart full of repentance - we are restored to our muchness!
Isn’t it time to turn away from what is holding you back? Do you want a life full of joy and peace? Are you tired of repeating the same sin over and over? Are there people or situations in your life that you need to walk away from and slam the door? Have you forgotten your purpose? Did you used to be “much muchier?”
It’s time. Write the date down. Today is the day. Take your muchness back. I dare you to live your life in a way that proves your repentance.
Be fierce,
Carolyn
